Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
