Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
