so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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