I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
