Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
