mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
