Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
