That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
