How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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