I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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