Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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