I need to stop coming to work sober
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
