dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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