I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
