Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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