You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
