I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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