Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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