I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
