All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
