And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
