i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
