I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
