i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
