dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
