You just made me feel so damn special
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
