can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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