I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
two words: eviction party
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
