OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
