The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
