just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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