I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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