I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
