I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
