billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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