So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
