I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
