she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
