she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
