i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
