Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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