I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
3 2 1 whiskey
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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