we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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