I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
