If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm always down for nudity.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
