How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
