Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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