I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's rum buckets o'clock
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
