I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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