Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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