You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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