Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
