You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
