maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
