I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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