you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
