You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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