Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
