It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
