it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
