hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
