wat bout pragnant strippers??
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
