if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
