just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
