Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
