So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There are leaves in my underwear?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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