At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
