That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
